Oh, Kari, i wish i could put my arms around you and give you a big hug. i love you.
God is good all the time...All the time. He is there ~ but then you know that already.

Your honesty about your struggles, and your confession that God is good and DOES good all the time is a wonderful testimony, Kari. Thank you for being real about your hurts and even your doubts. As John said, "God is greater than our hearts and knows all things." Cindy and I love you very much, Kari, and are praying for you, especially on this day of anniversary.
Love,
Mark

journeying through grief is one of the most complicated and devastating things that God has brought through my life yet. But, like you said, His grace doesn't change. And that brings amazing comfort on the unbelievably hard days.

Thanks Kari - that line about Satan putting doubts in your head and making you think they're your "true feelings", is something I experience and fight often. I'll pray for you and the family today.

I have recently struggled with wanting what I think is best for me, and not being patient enough to find out what God thinks is best. Praise God that He is turning your heart to Himself during these struggles.

Aww Kari, I wish I could give you and all of your family a big hug right now... I'm praying for all of you, that God would just wrap you in His arms today...

Kari, thank you for sharing your heart. I'm proud of you for writing this and for allowing the Lord to be Lord of your life. He has taught you so much through all this. My heart hurts for you and your family, and I love you very much!
Cindy

Dear, dear Kari,

Jesus has spoken through you just now...thank you. Thank you for being an open vessel in the Potter's hands.

One thing I have come to learn, and recognize as truth is this: Jesus Never Wastes Our Pain.

Jesus gave me something I have now been honored to have been able to share with hundreds of His Beloved saints, and would like to share it with you. It's titled, Ten Promises in Pain. God has recently led me to put this outline into book form. Please pray (if you'd like) that God would be glorified and bring healing to many hearts as they travel to freedom.

May you sense God speaking to you, "I Love you, Kari" each and every day.

You are a beautiful daughter of the King.

Love,

Sarah Breznau

[the words in parentheses are for when i use this as a speaking outline]

Ten Promises in Pain
(Open in Prayer)
(Read Aloud) My heart is fleeing from the thought of pain, The knowledge that I face tremendous loss. “To me to live is Christ – to die is gain.” – The only way to life is through the cross. This way obscure – His footsteps are not found And yet His blood has left a crimson trail “Come, follow Me – this path is holy ground – I will not suffer faithfulness to fail.” With such a precious Word, what shall I fear? If death is gain, what have I then to lose? In either case, my Lord is there to cheer; I find it best to let the Father choose. Lord, bind my heart with cords of sacrifice – The benefits have far outweighed the price. ~ Natalie Rankin
[Read Isaiah 43:1-2] Have you ever asked God, in the midst of a painful circumstance, the question people have asked for centuries, “Why?!” Have you ever found yourself doubting His presence and/or His power?
Desperately fighting the onslaught of tears, you drop your weapons in defeat as satan barrages your heart and mind with lies. “You're not good enough.” “If God really cared about you, He wouldn't allow these things to happen!” The enemy says, “You can't go on one more day.” “You weren't made for this.” “You weren't made to have to endure this.” “God doesn't really love you...” “There is really no plan for your life.” “You would be better off taking control of your life, and doing things the way you want..” “You would be happier, doing what you want to do.” “Just throw in the towel on God.”
....A shattered heart can be used by the enemy to shake the very foundation of (your) faith.

[Give brief background on Liddell’s life/death] Circumstances may appear to wreck our lives and God’s plans, but God is not helpless among the ruins. Our broken lives are not lost or useless. God’s love is still working. He comes in and takes the calamity and uses it victoriously, working out His wonderful plan of love. Eric Liddell
Jesus never wastes OUR pain. [share counseling experience/how I came to know this truth.]
<LI> His Presence in Pain. – Bask in His Presence. (direct communication with God) Isaiah 43:15-19 Rom. 12:21 – Overcome by dwelling on the One Who is Good. Is. 50:4 Ps. 139:1-18 (Illus. lacking His presence when recovering…read poem.) Choose Him above all!
<LI> His Power in Pain. –Yield to His Power. (look for His love each day) Eph. 1:19 II Cor. 12:9-10 I Chron. 29:11 (Illus. discovering 38 hearts decorated by Indian children.) (Read quote) from, Why? by Vernon Brewer - Pg. 113 <LI> His Peace in Pain. – Release to His Peace. (Illus. Hospital in Germany, on a stretcher, in the E.R. Hall, singing in a whisper, “Jesus, I am resting, resting...”) [Read quote] God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing. C.S. Lewis Ex. 33:13-14 In His presence we discover His peace. Is. 55:12 Is. 26:3-4 Ps. 37:7a Waiting with patience = Rest, Peace
<LI> His Protection in Pain. – Depend on His Protection. (Illus. Flight out of Visag.) Ps. 91 (exemplifies all the “P’s”) Is. 54:17 Acts 12 (Peter in prison) He sends His angels…
Jesus never wastes YOUR pain.
How can pain be a good thing? [….Give ex. - Job and Jesus] <LI> His Providence in Pain. – Hope in His Providence (Sovereignty). (Illus. Stranger giving aid on the plane) Ps. 72:18 – He only does wonderful things. He only creates good things.(Genesis) Rom. 8:28 Ps. 90:2 Jer. 29:11 Deut. 4:29-31 Is. 55:8,9,11 Ecc. 3:11 Ecc. 11:5 (Read Quote) The work of God is done on God’s timetable. His answers to our prayers come always in time – His time. His thoughts are far higher than ours, His wisdom past understanding. Amy Carmichael, A Chance To Die.
<LI> His Provision in Pain. – Accept in faith the opportunity to see His Provision. (Illus. miracles, specific answers to prayer – finances, Sunday school women) I Chron. 29:12 – All material goods belong to Him and are given to us by Him. He will supply all your needs according to His riches!
<LI> His Prayer in Pain. Prayer: Immediate and Often. (Illus. dropping to knees, crying out to God) [Alone in car, in bedroom]
Matt. 26:39 – Jesus: Garden of Gethsemane. [An opportunity to fellowship in His sufferings. He intercedes for us. He prays for us. He longs to hear us and reply to us. God called His Son to know pain in all forms.] (Emotional – loss of friends, Spiritual - temptation, and Physical - crucifixion)
*He relates to our pain and knows/understands our pain even more than we do. (Read Quote) Why? by Vernon Brewer, Pg. 115 (a letter from Vernon Brewer’s dad)
<LI> His Praise in Pain. A testimony to defeat Satan. Singing. (Ex. Read the lyrics to Calvary Came Through &/or the verses from the Desert Song by Jennifer Stanley) [“Judah” = Praise Send Judah first, and the battle will be won!] Rev. 12:10-11 Ps.42: 5,9,11 Ps. 40:11-17
<LI> His People in Pain. Blessing and encouragement. God created us to need each other. He created the Body of Christ in such a way that we can experience Him through each other. Satan deceives us into thinking we are alone. He says things like, “You are all alone.” “You are the only one going through this..” It's NOT TRUE! [Illus. - Friends going through same/similar circumstances.] (Illus. cards, words, calls, touches, prayers) Philemon 1:3-7 II Cor. 1: 3-4 - HE knew we would need to be comforted, that’s why HE sent the Comforter. Eph. 4:1-3 - Exhortation to follow His Will
<LI> His Purpose(s) in Pain. 1) To make you a name and praise for His glory! - Zeph. 3: 17-20 2) Haggai 1:7-13 – To bring us to obedience. 3) To cultivate compassion 4) I Peter 3:17-18 – To fellowship in His sufferings 5) James 1:2-3 – To develop the fruit of the Spirit. 6) Hebrews 5:8 – To teach us humility (illus. laying in the backseat of my car after Dr. appt) 7) To prepare His Bride. (one without 'blemish' - “flawless”) 8) II Tim. 2:7-13 – To spread the Gospel. (illus. cousin, David) 9) Luke 5:24 – To reveal His forgiving power. 10) Phil. 2:17 – God permits pain that we might be a drink offering of faith to others.

Challenge <LI> Refuse to accept the lies and bitterness the devil offers. <LI> Choose to accept and believe Christ’s forgiveness, love, and redeeming power! Matt. 27:34
Jesus never wastes MY pain.
(Read excerpt from the book, I Am – The Unveiling of God by Steve Fry. [see quote below] )
*Add’l info. The word “pain” is mentioned only 25 times in the Bible. The last mention of “pain” is within the context of a promise that there will be no more pain. (Rev. 21:4)
References on “Pain” Job 14:22, 15:20, 33:19 Ps. 25:18, 48:6 Isaiah 13:8, 21:3, 26:17, 26:18, 66:7 Jer. 6:24, 12:13, 15:18, 22:23, 30:23, 51:8 Ezekiel 30:4, 30:9, 30:16 Micah 4:10 Nahum 2:10 Romans 8:22 Rev. 16:10, 21:4
…. “You mean God put me through this to help others?” you ask. “How absurd!” Yet God has called us to be pilgrims in an alien world, who derive meaning not from any great achievement at acquiring material stability, but rather from our friendship with God-a friendship unaffected by good circumstances or bad. As a pilgrim, you have been predestined to manifest wholeness through your life regardless of circumstances. Just as Jesus endured injustice to save others, so you, too, have been given the privilege of suffering injustice to help lead others to Him by demonstrating that wholeness. God designed us to be genuinely fulfilled as we watch our pain result in another’s deliverance. (emphasis added) Or, to put it another way, your pain can be another’s promise. (emphasis added) I’m not saying God causes your pain; I’m saying He uses your pain. His sovereignty does not mean that He takes you from pain, but that He weaves a tapestry through your pain. In fact, God is so great, He can even use disaster to further His purposes (Isaiah 45:7). Jesus endured the greatest injustice-but because He did, He became the supreme instrument of salvation. Likewise, to the degree that you have faced injustice, to that degree you will also be raised to rescue others. Locked away in a disease-ridden concentration camp, witnessing human cruelty at a level few have ever known, Corrie Ten Boom could have spent the rest of her life asking, “Why, God?” And yet she allowed God to use that pain to be the platform from which she expressed a message of forgiveness to millions. The question is not, “Why, God, is this happening?” It is, how many more Corrie Ten Booms could there be if we truly understood God?
(Close in Prayer)(O Father, help us to understand You...)

Kari that was a sweet post. I know that your mom was so proud (in a good way) of her beautiful family. I know that she would be so pleased with you right now... most of all that you are running to Jesus through the pain you feel.. thats how she would have wanted it. I know. God be with you.

Thank you so much for posting - it brings back memories of my Dad and the similar feelings I have felt...I appreciate you sharing, and reminding all of us of God's amazing grace.

~Priscilla

Can only imagine how tough this year has been.  Such good realizations you made about satan's tactics and conversely God's grace.  I know it was not 'good for you' to lose your mother, but He, no doubt, does bring good thru it. It is obvious even in your ability to walk thru this year.  I am so proud how you have fought and held on.  Will be praying for continued endurance and dependence on Him and subsiding pain. 

Kari,

It was so sweet to hear your heart...I still think of you guys very often.  You really are heroes of mine...

Heather C.

Hi Kari!  It was so good to see you and Micah last night.  I totally understand and you should know that it's not uncommon for the 'shock' state to wear off as time goes on it actually gets harder for a while.  I remember that the adjective which seemed most appropriate for what Dad and we all went through was, 'Agonizing'.  There's no beating around the bush.  I also was blessed with dreaming a very clear dream the night I miscarried, that Dad was there, silent and holding my hand. So comforting; the Lord knows. 

We love you and miss you!  Merry Christmas~~

Been a while since I've looked at your blog.  Saying a prayer for you now--even two months after this post!  Thank you for your honesty.  Blessings of peace,

Daja